# Not on My Menu

By [Dr. Heather Sheets](https://www.belongly.com/author/dr-heather-sheets/) Published On: Sunday, November 20, 2022

## Wanting to Please

I had to attempt to please more than just myself. Fast forward to life as a single mom of three-year-olds, and the take-out menus had to be replaced with actual meals. Food is NOT my Love Language. A lot of things I thought you could only eat in restaurants. And when we don’t like what he cooks, it is okay.

Not on his menu is what I have been grappling with in 2022. Creating my own Menu. Others, not so much. Somewhere in 2022, I stopped chasing pleasing others and just focused on pleasing myself.

The end result: we went out for sushi and agreed my boyfriend would happily cook, and I would happily clean in our division of house labor. Cooking remains off my menu. In a few weeks, I will truly enjoy hosting my family and not planning or preparing a single dish.

## I had to attempt to please more than just myself.

While childless, I conquered meal planning by ordering out. I did not have any responsibility for creating the menu or preparing the food.

## Fast forward to life as a single mom of three-year-olds, and the take-out menus had to be replaced with actual meals.

I turned to my own mother. She filled my freezer with grandkid-approved things I could defrost. 7 basic meals were developed which I rotated and mastered.

## Food is NOT my Love Language

Enter my boyfriend, he comes from a family that loves cooking. Being Italian and preparing favorite dishes is one of the many ways they communicate love.

## A lot of things I thought you could only eat in restaurants.

My daughter finally mustered up her courage to speak her truth about the stir fry all of his kids adored. My boyfriend does not just make things to please us; he also cooks to challenge his skill set.

## And when we don’t like what he cooks, it is okay.

My daughter is not the only member of the family that ate a meal she didn’t like multiple times.

## Going along to get along

Back in my early 20s, I dated a man who lovingly and routinely brought me coffee in bed. Except it was black, and I hate black coffee. In a former job, I drank Muscat at every work function because a boss loved it. But I drank it because sometimes it’s easier to go along to get along.

## And the list goes on and on…….

My efforts to please people have often prevented me from having an authentic experience.

## And oh, how I have grinned and born it.

Sure, I can attribute this to my gender and the society where grinning and bearing it as a cisgendered woman is expected and rewarded.

## Yes, please and may I have another?

I spent a portion of my early career trying to please in a way that felt inauthentic. This resulted in not speaking up and acknowledging my true opinions and thoughts in meetings and discussions.

## Not on my Menu

One recent night at dinner, my stepson theatrically reviewed what was not on his menu. He started by identifying what he didn’t like.

## Not on his menu is what I have been grappling with in 2022.

Last November, my old professional identity was a smaller loss as I defined what the new professional me was going to look like in 2022.

## Creating my own Menu

When I began prioritizing my own reactions, it became somewhat easier for me to identify what I mean and what I want.

## Others, not so much.

One job offer was painfully hard to turn down, but the timing just wasn’t right.

## Somewhere in 2022, I stopped chasing pleasing others and just focused on pleasing myself.

The end result: we went out for sushi and agreed my boyfriend would happily cook, and I would happily clean in our division of house labor.

## I am also prepared to tell everyone exactly what I think about eating a smoked turkey.….